Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
