We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
