we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
