when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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