i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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