every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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