you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
