some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
