Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
