At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
