My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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