Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
