Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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