I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
