I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
