My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
