I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
