Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We are two peas in an std pod
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
