I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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