we have officially lost it.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
