So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
