I want to make a zoo with you.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
