the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it's like iHOP with fire
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
