Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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