im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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