Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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