it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
