it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
