Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
