I think I am morally bankrupt
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
