so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
