You smell like stripper and shame
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
two words...techno handjob
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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