2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
