you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
