She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
vagina is talking i cant
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
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