If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
