Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
