Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
