I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
