You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
