I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
