Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
my poor anus
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
