maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
