through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
