More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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