On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
