Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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