Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
