i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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