i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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